Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
