For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
