the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
