I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
