I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
