I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
