Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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