so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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