I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I need to calm my uterus...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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