The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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