a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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