My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sorry about my life...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
