I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
