The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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