help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I could make wine with my vomit
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
