the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
