In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize