she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
