i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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