I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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