escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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