Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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