Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
