Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
