I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
