You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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