no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
