My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
3 2 1 whiskey
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
