i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
