i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
FUCK WHALES
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
