This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
