Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
