she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
