I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
