dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
