you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
