Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
