im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
