Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
