Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
