she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
