ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
