morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
