I cockslap morals
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
