Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
