i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
