sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Shitshow foam night was such a success
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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