They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
