I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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