i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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