do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
