I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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