I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize