whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
