I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This is classic penis vs brain.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
