I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
