i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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