dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize