i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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