Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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