I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Never joke about your clitoris.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
