his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
