textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
