I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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