I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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