walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize