Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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