I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He better not be in your backpack
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
