So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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